Kellie Pickler Explains CMA Breakdown

Kellie Pickler performs "I Wonder" at "The 41st Annual CMA Awards," on Wednesday, Nov. 7, live from the Sommet Center in Nashville on the ABC Television Network. Photo courtesy of the CMA.

November 12, 2007 — Kellie Pickler's emotional performance of "I Wonder," the song she wrote about being abandoned by her mother, was a showstopper at the CMA Awards last week.

As she sang, "Forgiveness is such a simple word, but it's so hard to do when you've been hurt," Kellie began to cry. Continuing to sing as her younger brother, Eric, looked on tearfully, she became increasingly emotional.

The lyrics send a personal message to her mother, Cynthia Malone, who left the family when Kellie was two years old. Kellie has said the song has helped her deal with her anger and emotions. "The song has not only really helped me, because writing it and performing it every night has been kind of like therapy for me, but I think it's really helped a lot of other people that might be going through similar circumstances," she said.

Before the CMAs, both Kellie and her mother spoke out separately to ABC-11 Eyewitness News in Raleigh-Durham, N.C., about their relationship. Malone, who left Kellie to be raised by her grandparents, insists that she was driven away by an abusive relationship with Kellie's father, Clyde Pickler. "I did what was in the best interest of her, Miss Kellie," Malone said. "The beatings came more frequent, and I knew I was gonna lose my life if I didn't leave."

Malone said she prays for a reconciliation with her daughter someday, but Kellie, who hasn't seen her mother in more than 10 years, said she is too hurt to consider that possibility. "I don't know why you want anything to do with me now," she said, addressing Malone. "You never wanted anything to do with me my whole life."

"I'm not mad, I'm not upset. I'm just hurt because she continues to make herself look like the victim," Kellie said. While she is not ready to forgive and forget, she has found a way to channel her pain by working with the AARP's Grandparenting program, which helps grandparents who raise their grandchildren, as well as by expressing her feelings through her music.

On Thursday, Kellie will be a contestant on Fox's Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?, with her winnings going to the American Red Cross and the AARP Grandparenting program.